Moving Forward from the Election

So, here we are. This campaign season was very depressing. It showed just how divided we are as a people. On the night of the election I was filled with anxiety. I dreaded the outcome, the possibility of Donald Trump winning.

Now that he’s President-Elect Trump, that painful anxiety is gone. I’m oddly optimistic. I look at this as a chance for us to actually come together as a people. The right may not have tried to understand the left during the Obama Presidency, choosing instead to obstruct as much as they could right up to the end. Hopefully, we on the left will take this opportunity to understand what we’re up against and look for ways to find opportunities to compromise and make our country better.

I’ve thought a great deal about this campaign, and I did more reading about the candidates than I ever have before. Here are some of my thoughts as we — hopefully — begin the process of healing.

Stop the Blame Game

I enrolled as a Democrat to caucus for Bernie Sanders, and I went to the Maine Democratic Convention as an alternate delegate for him. I’ve never been a member of any political party before, and I’ve voted for both Democrats and Republicans through the years. I’m not a fan of the two-party system, and I’d gladly vote for a worthy third party candidate. I think they have a lot of work to do to improve their chances.

But as long as we have this shit sandwich of a two-party system, I may as well pick a side. (That being said, I will still vote for a Republican if she’s a better candidate.)  I’ll remain a democrat until the party really pisses me off somehow.

And seriously, as a Democrat I have to say that we need to stop trying to assign blame for Hillary Clinton’s loss. We can’t blame “racists” for the rise of Trump. He did appeal to white supremacists, but many good, honorable people voted for him as well. We can’t blame third party candidates, either. Many of those votes would probably have gone to the Republican ticket had there been no other options.

We can only blame ourselves. I don’t buy into the apocryphal “Hillary’s a criminal” mindset. I think the Republicans have done a great job of smearing her over the years, especially with the gratuitous Benghazi hearings. Dopey — to borrow one of President Elect Trump’s favorite epithets and appropriately assign it — Congressman Kevin McCarthy made it clear that there was more motivation behind the hearings than just getting to the bottom of the attacks. While Secretary Clinton was cleared in all the reports, she was tarnished beyond repair. The email scandal, which I feel was blown way out of proportion, wasn’t handled well. Even though she was cleared by the FBI, many didn’t agree with that exoneration.

There’s also the Clinton Foundation, a world class nonprofit organization that has done amazing work for people around the globe, and the Republicans were able to cast it in a very negative light. And much of the blame for that can be placed squarely on Secretary Clinton, herself. No reasonable person should think that friendship won’t get you access to people in power, but when donors to that organization are given access, whether or not that access is truly related to the donations, it stinks of corruption.

Then there are people who honestly believe that Bill and Hillary Clinton have had people killed. I joke on Facebook about people needing to stop talking badly about the Clintons or they’ll be visited by a Bill and Hillary Death Squad, but seriously?  People actually believe this. Let me move on.

The Democratic Party nominated an incredibly polarizing figure, and we stinking liberals need to acknowledge that. While Mr. Trump is no stranger to polarization, many people just wanted someone who isn’t a career politician in there to shake things up (even though nothing in his platform gives much of an indication that things will actually be different during his presidency or after it).

The American people wanted change, and for better or worse, we got it.

Let Go of the Campaign Drama

During the 2016 presidential campaign, there was very little substantive discussion. It was infuriating. We needed to wait until the final debate to hear any discussion of one of the greatest threats to our prosperity, the national debt. Not surprisingly, no one had a plan that would actually address reducing it.

No, we had pure mud-slinging. All the talk was about how Hillary Clinton is corrupt and Donald Trump is a — for the sake of brevity — just a horrible person. We need to let go of that drama. Seriously. I’m not a fan of Donald Trump, but we need to give him our attention. Protesting in the street won’t help anything.

Trying to undermine his presidency by saying “he’s not my president” won’t help either. It didn’t make Barack Obama any less of the President of the United States over the last 8 years when republicans said the same thing and even questioned his citizenship.

Michael Moore’s 5 Point Plan won’t help either. We aren’t suddenly going to get rid of the Electoral College and fire all TV pundits. That’s silly. And we absolutely need to heal the divide. We can’t “. . . obstruct in the way Republicans did against President Obama. . .” That’s counterproductive. We need to grow up and find common ground, or else we can merely kiss progress on a lot of issues goodbye. It’s also going to be rather difficult for Democrat’s to obstruct when the Republicans will soon hold power in all three branches of our government.

I agree that we should let go of the Electoral College. It's getting in the way of what the people want. But there’s a process to amend the Constitution. Enough people have to make their Senators and Representatives know that they want this change before it would even be introduced as a proposed amendment. We can’t just cry about Hillary getting more votes. We have to DO something.

Why I Supported Hillary Clinton

Look, I know she wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t buy into the horrors that many people believe about her. I believe that she is able and experienced. I believe that her economic plan would have been the least damaging to the federal debt. I believe in the free market, but I also believe that it needs to be regulated to prevent innocent people from financial ruin. (Remember the mortgage crisis, anyone?)

I believe that she would have protected a woman’s right to choose. I’m pro-choice, not pro-abortion. I agree with her that the government shouldn’t be interfering in a woman’s decision to terminate a pregnancy. I know women who have had abortions. It definitely wasn’t “birth control.” It was the most gut-wrenching decision of their lives, and for one of them, that decision saved her life. Get out of the womb, government.

I also believe that she would have made the best choice for the Supreme Court. I don’t want to forsake the progress we’ve made on the rights of the LGBT population.

Now I have to hope that my belief in those rights can find enough support to be protected for a while. It’s hard to be optimistic.

Much was made of the “lesser of two evils” argument for both candidates. I didn’t think Secretary Clinton is evil. And, honestly, I don’t necessarily think Trump is “evil.”  I have serious reservations about him as a person, and I’m seriously concerned about his inability to acknowledge any flaws. I worry about him lying about so many stupid little things, like the NFL complaining to him about the debate schedule. How I think of him as a person aside, I just preferred the Democratic platform over that of the Republicans.

What I Worry About for the Future

Naturally, I worry about those same rights being undermined. I worry that education about sexual health and birth control will suffer. I worry that we will become a less inclusive country. I worry that terror groups will be more motivated to attack us because of the things President-Elect Trump has said about Islam. I worry that we could get into another war in the Middle East when if he reneges on the Iran Nuclear Treaty.

I worry that he doesn’t have a complex understanding of many issues. I’m concerned about the economy. Sure, the markets are doing well now, but does that benefit anyone other than the wealthy? How will he move to deregulate it and how will that affect working families? How is he going to get production jobs back to the US when he, himself, shipped them overseas?

I worry about freedom of speech. Will he actually change libel laws?

How about all the talk of jailing Secretary Clinton?  He graciously said that we should be thankful for her years of service during his acceptance speech. But will the alt-right groups who think she should be in jail be disappointed in him when she doesn’t go to jail? Will they respond with plans to attack? I don’t trust unstable conspiracy theorists.

What about the rise of hate?  Will white supremacists like David Duke continue to be emboldened by President-Elect Trump? I’m not trying to suggest that Mr. Trump is a white supremacist. I’m saying that he often speaks impulsively, and white supremacists have liked a lot of what he’s said. He was even endorsed by the KKK’s newspaper. He did distance himself from that, and he can’t help who likes him. But that doesn’t make who likes him any less of a concern when they feel that he’s their voice.

And what about how we communicate? Will email ever be the same?  I guarantee that it won’t be in any political campaign again. I’ve long felt that privacy is an illusion, but private conversations shouldn’t be used to undermine public figures. We should also be very concerned about foreign governments and organizations hacking our communications and publicizing them to interfere in our democratic processes. Are we just going to assume that republican emails didn’t contain anything damaging to the Trump campaign? I don’t.

The FBI interference in the campaign is also very troubling. Will there be serious inquiry into the operations at the FBI — along with the email hacks? Or will the party in power not care because these issues didn’t harm their campaigns?

How about the Affordable Care Act? It's going to be repealed, but what will replace it? Something terrific? I know the right is upset that premiums are going up for those plans, but at least those people can get insurance now.

There’s a lot that concerns me.

Moving Forward

I hope that we can come together as a country and understand our divisions. We have a long way to go, and this campaign hasn’t helped. But we desperately need to move forward. Donald J. Trump will be the next President of the United States. Period. We all need to accept that. Complaining and trying to obstruct won’t get us anywhere.

I hope — perhaps foolishly — that the government will see how close the popular vote was and realize that our country isn’t just a Republican or Democratic monolith with one set of values. Somewhere in the middle will be fine. . . Yes, that is pretty foolish of me.

I hope we can get past our fears. Donald Trump ran a campaign based on instilling a great deal of fear in the electorate, and Hillary Clinton ran a campaign based largely on fear of Donald Trump. Many fear that he’s a fascist. (I, myself, am worried about some of those tendencies.) I just hope he will be the president for all of us — whether we like that or not — and that he surrounds himself with wise men and women. I hope that’s not a foolish wish.

I hope we can bring decorum back to life and treat each other with respect.

I am a Liar

             Yes, you read that correctly.  I’m a liar.  And, no I’m not a pathological liar.  I'm no Tommy Flanagan.

            This is difficult for me.  I’ve grown a lot over the years, and have to admit that I’ve also told a lot of untruths.   Many of us have, and no, I’m not saying that to make an excuse for my behavior.  Most of us at least tell some little white lies to protect someone’s feelings.  People do that. 

Sometimes, we lie to avoid conflict.  I’ve done that a lot.  For a long time, I was very conflict-avoidant.  The intense emotions of conflict brought me to a place emotionally that I didn’t understand and didn’t like.  I would lie about stupid things when I was married.  When asked simple things, like whether or not I’d paid the electric bill, I’d say that I had done so in order to avoid any potential conflict over why I hadn’t, even if I was planning to do the bills, which weren’t late, that evening.   Had I said that I was going to do them that evening, it would have been fine.  I was just incredibly insecure and afraid of where conflict would take me.  The great irony of those lies is that they caused a great deal more conflict than I was trying to avoid in the first place. 

I worked through this with a therapist, and I understand where the conflicts brought me.  I’ve made peace with this.  It doesn’t change the damage that those lies did, but I was able to move forward.  In subsequent relationships I’ve been able to be honest about stupid little shit like that. 

We may also say things that aren’t true in order to save someone’s feelings.  We may say that someone looks great in a new shirt because that person feels confident and beautiful in it, even though we wouldn’t let our dog have puppies on that shirt because we think it’s so grossly ugly that adding puppy afterbirth to it would just be more than we could bear.  We don’t want to hurt that person’s feelings.   It’s not my shirt, and I don’t have to wear it.  Along the same lines a teacher or parent may say that a child’s art is wonderful, even though the kid hasn’t heard of foreshortening and has absolutely no concept of the atmospheric perspective.   People tell that kid it’s great because we want to encourage her to explore her creativity, and hopefully, she’ll learn about depth.

And sometimes, people lie to hide their shame and embarrassment.  I’m never all that shocked when a politician or celebrity is exposed for a lie.  Of course politicians want to hide things that might be politically damaging, and of course celebrities hide things that may embarrass them or damage their reputations.  Of course President Clinton didn’t inhale, and of course he didn’t receive the historic Oval Office hummer.  Of course Larry Craig had a wide stance.  Of course Lance Armstrong and Aaron Rodriguez didn’t use performance enhancing drugs.  Of course Tiger Woods was a faithful husband.  Of course [insert female celebrity’s name here] has real boobs.   Of course [insert male celebrity’s name here] didn’t cheat on his smoking hot wife with the beautiful nanny.  Those are all damn lies!

People do things that hurt their careers and reputations and relationships, and they don’t want that truth out.  The truth hurts relationships and legacies.  The truth costs people their careers.  The truth can just be embarrassing.  I completely understand why people lie about this stuff.  I also completely understand the consequences.  If we don’t want to be embarrassed or have our marriages or careers ruined, then we should just do the right thing from the beginning.  We often don’t, and we pay the price. 

There are things I’ve done that are very embarrassing.  I’m glad no one knows about them.  I’ve lied about some of them.  Some I’ve told the truth about.  If TMZ were to get some embarrassing video of me, I’d own my behavior and try to move forward.  I don’t think there are any unrevealed lies out there that would hurt anyone who’s currently in my life.  There may be some things that would cause me some embarrassment.  I’d have to deal with that.  This piece isn’t really about those lies.  I’ve made peace with them, and I try to think about the consequences of what I do before I put myself in situations where I may be embarrassed by what happens.

There are still other lies that are harder to understand for most people.  These are lies that people use to create a back story.  Now, I’m not going to go after Ben Carson here.  That’s too easy.  But people create back stories to make themselves look better or to feel connected with something.  Comedian Steve Rannazzisi was working in New York in 2001.  After he moved to LA he started telling people that he had been working for Merrill Lynch in the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001.  I don’t know why he did this.  I’m not sure he does, but he’s paid quite a price professionally.   He’s pretty funny, and I hope, for his sake,that he can overcome some of the damage to his career.   There’s no excusing what he did, but he’s really only guilty of being an asshole and offending millions of people. 

And there are darker lies that create back stories.  Iraq has weapons of mass destruction and plans to attack out country and our allies.  Al Quaeda is in Iraq, and Iraq was involved in 9-11.  These lies get people killed.  They’re shameful.  I would only be avoiding telling my own truth if I delved into this, so I’ll move on.

My greatest lie is one of these.  No, I did not get anyone killed or start a war.  I did create a back story, to my shame, and my conscience can’t seem to shake it.  I have to process through this, and no mere discussion with my therapist will allow me to let it go.

But first, let’s briefly consider what a lie is.  A lie is something that someone says that is untrue.  And we have to know it’s untrue for it to be a lie.  Otherwise, it’s just a mistake.  If I say that the universe is about 10 billion years old, but I later find out that it’s really around 12 billion years old.  I didn’t lie.  I was just ignorant of the truth. 

   Now, let’s dig deeper.  What is truth?  Can we call it observable reality?  It’s more complicated than we think.  Can we say that something is true if it is observable, something that happened, without the filter of emotion or of judgment?  I believe this will work.  The sky is blue.  The earth revolves around the sun.  Ice cream is cold.  I have a maple tree in my yard.  These are all things that different people can observe and agree on. 

We also have to consider perception.  Our perceptions tend to influence our understanding of reality.   Is it partly cloudy or mostly sunny?  As a color blind man, I often have to check with others to confirm the colors of objects.  I may have purchased a nice, blue shirt last weekend, but the first time I wear it, someone compliments me on my nice, purple shirt.  But now I know the truth.  The shirt is purple, and I trust others’ perceptions of it.  That’s a very simple example.  Here’s another.  The city of Augusta, Maine, where I used to work, has a few traffic circles.  Some people perceive them as a pain in the ass, and try to avoid them.  Some people perceive presence of traffic circles as just how things are, and they perceive the idiots who do not know how to drive in traffic circles as the pain in the ass. 

Indeed, whether or not something is a pain in the ass is subjective.  People can objectively agree that there are traffic circles in Augusta.  This is factually observable and is, therefore, true.   The things that make the traffic circles a pain in the ass are matters of opinion, affected by an individual’s perception and experience.  While they are true for the individual, they are not something that everyone sees the same, so they can’t be accepted as a general truth. 

There are some things that may seem to be subjective, but they are, in fact absolutely true.  I have a great ass.  You’d think that using “great” makes it subjective.  Nope, it’s universally accepted that I have a great ass.  It’s one of those things like, “Angelina Jolie is beautiful” or “Peyton Manning is the best actor in the NFL,” that everyone universally agrees upon.

And I won’t get into the belief versus truth issue with religion versus science.  That’s a bigger issue, and, quite frankly, that would be another way for me to put off writing about my big, big lie, the reason for this piece. 

When I was younger and didn’t know myself well, I often probably didn’t know what truth really was.  I lied about things to protect others’ feelings or to preserve the idea that I’m a sweet and nice guy or to avoid conflicts.  Those lies hurt people and damaged my relationships.  There are days when I still kick myself for some of those lies.  But those lies are in the past.  I’ve made peace with them and learned from them.  I know myself better, and I know I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone with untruths anymore.  I’ve tried to become a truth teller, and I can honestly say that I’m proud of the progress I’ve made.

Except for one pretty significant lie. 

While I was in the army and army reserve I was over the army’s weight limit for my age and height for most of my career.  Whenever we had a weigh-in, I’d have to be given the body fat tape test even when I was in the best shape of my life.  I was often 15 to 25 pounds over the weight limit, but I always passed the tape test.  But the 50-ish pounds of pure masculine glory that I put on from the time I was 18 to the time I retired from the army reserve at 43 started to get to me along the way.  I made something up to try to explain it away. 

I guess I was embarrassed.  I don’t know.  I guess I wanted to make myself feel better about having to be taped because I was overweight.  I mean, I still don’t know why I did this.  I’ve never

Does this guy look like he
has any reason to be
ashamed of his body?

considered myself a Fatty McFatterson.  I’m kind of stocky, so I’m going to carry more pounds than I think it may look like I’m carrying.  I may have reverse body dysmorphic disorder, or something, but I’ve never thought that I was all that big.  Seriously, I carry it well, I think.

And pretty much everyone agrees how desirable and awesome I am.  A recent Gallup poll showed the 89 percent of single women wanted to be with me and 99 percent of men wanted to be me (3.5 percent margin of error).   Hell, a lot of the men wanted to be with me, and a significant percentage of the women wanted to be me.   And there I was lying about stuff for all those years of my military service.  What is wrong with me?

I may never understand why, and I may never be able to make anyone understand.  I just had to make up a story, a story, incidentally, that could pass no test of the truth.  It was objectively and subjectively false.  No one, and I mean no one, would be able to objectively observe me and concur that what I had been saying was even remotely true.  I couldn’t even make a subjective argument that it was true in my perception.  I fully acknowledge that it was a lie, and I own this.

I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to post this.  I may just delete this file.  Here’s what I did.  Here’s my lie.  I implied that my, ahem, “masculinity” was the reason I was overweight.  Hell, who am I kidding?  Not you.  Not America.  I was a soldier with a security clearance, and I couldn’t say a basic truth about myself. 

And for crying out loud, I didn’t imply anything.  I just lied.  I’ll spare you the indelicate language I used, but I said that it was all “junk" weight.  That was why I didn’t meet the army’s weight standards.  Seriously, 25 pounds?  That’s a hell of a lie.  I’m sorry.  I know.  I’m a bad person.  I failed to live up to the army values, and I failed my country.  I failed you all.

I’m a bad person, and I hope that someday, I will be able to regain your trust.