I’ve spent the past week or so feeling deeply troubled by
what’s happening in our country. Hell, I’ve spent the last four years feeling
deeply troubled by what’s happening in our country. And I know I said that I
wasn’t going to write about politics anymore, and believe me, I sure as all
hell don’t want to. America’s political climate is far too nuts for me to deal
with. At least it is now. Seriously, though, I don’t necessarily want this to
be a political piece. I’m not sure what to call it. A judgmental screed? (Ahem,
spoiler alert.) I don’t know yet. I’m sure it will flesh itself out as I go.
By the way, did you have a nice holiday? I know that seems off topic, but I’m deciding to keep up the epistolary tone. That means “like a letter.” I hate to come across as condescending, but I also love to come across as condescending. (I’m so full of contradictions!) Oh, and I said, “holiday” just to come across like an asshole. (A hobby of mine. One must find ways to entertain oneself nowadays.) I don’t want to say the c-word—not “cunt,” by the way—until after President-Elect Biden’s inauguration. I’ve tried to say “Happy Holidays” for the duration of the Trump Presidency. Passive-aggressive? Yes. Delightfully passive-aggressive? Indeed! I have let a few “Merry C-words” slip out over the past few years. (Again, not “cunt.” I don’t say “cunt” that often and certainly not as a way to commemorate our dear savior’s birth. (Goodness!))
Anyway, I was worried about this getting off topic, but I haven’t really established a topic to digress from, have I? Where was I going with this? . . . Oh, that’s right, the big hubbub in Washington, DC, on the 6th. Yes, that was quite a mess, wasn’t it?
It sure was. I’ve given it a great deal of thought, and I’ve also actively tried to avoid any thought about it at all. (Again with the contradictions!) I’ve wanted to process my thoughts and feelings about it without being overly reactionary. That may be hard for you to believe, for I do not have a long history of reacting in a calm, measured way to the events of the Trump era, especially on the Facebooks.
No, indeed. I will try to keep my thoughts on the big hubbub off the Facebooks, but I’m also going to share this piece there. (Ha-ha! What a lark!)
Are you still reading this, dear Trump-supporting friend? To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t have full confidence that any of you will read this. And no, I don’t mean that in my delightfully passive-aggressive way to subtly question your literacy or intelligence. (If I feel the need, there will be time later.) You see, I don’t have what anyone would call a “vast readership,” and I doubt that many of those who sit home, quietly and patiently, waiting for me to share one of these lovingly crafted posts—for months and years at a stretch sometimes—I doubt many of them are addressed directly by this little love note, though I do love them dearly.
You know, I do try to be a good person, and yes, I say that in part just to generate traffic to another post of mine. Is it bad that I’m trying to give my two cents and possibly earn two cents by creating traffic to my other posts? Anyway, feel free to click on the ads while your there—or here!
Seriously, though, why am I even writing this? Because I want to address the issue of the big hubbub respectfully. Respect is an important core value. I want to be respectful to people. Every single human being deserves some measure of respect, even if that measure of respect is merely one’s right to a fair trial.
Let me clarify something about that. I’m not saying that one should be super nice and friendly with everyone. I’m certainly not super nice and cheerful with the local idiot with whom I’ve had beef—and there is only one. Well, there’s only one local idiot with whom I’ve had beef. There are plenty of local idiots for whom I care deeply. But when I’m out and about and see this particular local idiot, the one with whom I’ve had beef, I don’t call him a stupid fucking loser—though I do feel, in my heart of hearts, that he is a stupid fucking loser. I may just say, “Hey, [idiot’s name]. How’s it going?”
Our beef isn’t currently active. Right now, I just can’t stand this motherfucker, but I don’t want to be openly disrespectful to him—no matter how much I lack respect for him—because that would reflect poorly on me and ruin everyone’s good time at the bar. He’s so stupid that he just might want to start a fight over something silly like being called a fucking loser idiot. What a silly guy!
As I write this, I’m seeing that I should give a serious treatment to the concept of respect in a longer piece. I’ll just say for now that the measure of respect that everyone—well, most people—deserve is that they don’t deserve to be openly disrespected. Or do they? I’m not sure. I’m wavering as I pontificate. I definitely need to reflect on respect some more. I’ll just say, for now, that I don’t want to openly disrespect you. I care about you. We may have served in the army together, and I would have put it all on the line for you, no matter what cockamamie beliefs you had. We may be close personally, and I may feel like you’re part of my family. I may just value your friendship because you’ve shown me deep down that you’re a kind person.
I don’t know. I do know that I don’t want to disrespect you, as a person. Your beliefs, though, as far as President Trump is concerned. That’s another story. As the comedian, Patton Oswalt noted, we don’t have to respect other people’s beliefs or opinions. We only have to acknowledge them. People have some pretty crazy beliefs out there. For example—and this was difficult to come up with because I don’t want to cross a line from condescending to asshole, yet—so for example, there are people who believe the earth is flat. I believe that we can agree that that is a stupid belief that makes no sense.
So, let’s say a flat-earther is reading this. I don’t have any respect for their belief that the earth is flat, yet I can choose to engage with them in a respectful manner. (That ship may have sailed, though.) But I might ask them, “Why do you think the earth is flat?” I may end up agreeing to disagree with that person on the issue, or—depending on a complex co-factoring of my frustration, amount of sleep, and alcohol consumption—I may end up saying something disrespectful. Hopefully, I only say something disrespectful about the belief and not the person—no matter how stupid I think that person is. And I do think that person is stupid. There are no guarantees. If I only insult this person’s beliefs, I will consider it an unprecedented success.
I have a low frustration tolerance for moronic beliefs. I recognize that about myself, and I hope to find a way to maintain respectful relations with friends who believe stupid shit.
Now, about our friendship, dear Trump-supporting friend, I do value our it, our history. When we meet again, I won’t want to talk about politics. “How’s [insert name of spouse/child/parent/pet/etc.] doing with [insert school/profession/illness/relationship/etc. situation].” And I’ll sincerely want to know. Have you been taking care of yourself? Read any good books lately? I do want to know how you’re doing. However, I won’t be interested in your Trumpist thoughts or conspiracies. I’ve never been able to wrap my mind around any support for Trump, and I can safely say that I never will. I don't want to forsake our friendship, but if you go full racist—as if supporting Trump isn’t enough evidence of questionable ideas about race—I’ll have to let the friendship go. I will have to because you’ll be gone, and I’ll never be able to respect a racist. (And race isn't the only issue that may separate us. It's just the most salient example.)
This is beyond the differences between a conservative and liberal point of view. I can engage with, respect, and disagree with many conservative points of view. I believe in fiscal responsibility. We can probably find some common ground there, even though I believe in it no matter who the current president is. I believe our country should be responsible with its debts, but, you know, we’ll have to pay those debts with tax money. Should we have tariffs? Maybe, but not if we have to subsidize our farmers with tax money because of the response to those tariffs.
There are intelligent ways to do things. Do you want to cut corporate taxes to increase job growth? Great, maybe those tax cuts should be tied to jobs and wage growth. Do you want a secure border? Me too! I just think a wall the full length of the US-Mexican border is a stupid idea because there are already tunnels under the fucking border, and most undocumented immigrants entered the country legally before letting their visas expire. A wall won’t stop that.
The thing is, I just don’t respect Donald Trump. I do respect the Office of President of the United States. I just think he’s a bad person. The measure of respect that he deserves are in the form of his rights to due process and maybe a “Mr. President” every now and then. (I probably wouldn’t say that, though.) And I’m not going to go on about him. I started to in my handwritten draft, but I don’t want to. I think all the “#notmypresident” stuff is kind of dumb, going back to when President Obama was in office.
And I don’t want to go on and on about the election. There was no evidence of widespread fraud. None of the cases the Trump campaign brought before the courts had any merit. There were Republican and Democratic observers everywhere. Just let it go. It’s insanity to keep going on like the president has since election day. And it would be insane for me to try to engage with you about it because you probably believe all the things he says. I believe none of it.
No, let’s not go there, but let me say this. If you support the assholes who stormed the capitol on January 6th, we probably shouldn’t be friends. If you believe it was an Antifa mob, I don’t respect that belief. It’s a stupid belief for stupid people to believe. If you don’t have a problem with someone carrying the Confederate flag through the Halls of Congress while our elected officials were trapped in the gallery and the rabble was chanting about hanging them and Mike Pence, if you’re okay with that, then I’m not okay with you. Go and live your life without our friendship.
Yours,
Ted
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