Most of us can’t stand trolls on the internet. Posting comments
and replies just to provoke a fight or to demean someone isn’t cool. Most
trolls are sexist, racist, homophobic assholes. As John Oliver pointed out for us on
HBO’s Last Week Tonight, some
even terrorize people. But sometimes, trolling can be hilarious. Oliver has
trolled a number of institutions with hilarious hashtags. His protest against elitism
at Yankee Stadium was perfect.
Yes, sometimes, it’s fun. I do try to go after ideas rather
than attack people. Some of my Facebook friends may remember a post where I
wasn’t such a gentleman. . .
But I really wanted to talk about substance. I just acted like
an asshole for a moment. I can take ownership of my failings. It’s sad that the
post lost me some Facebook friends, but, as the Bard would have said, I’m a
grown-asséd man. I can lie in that bed.
Since the election, though, I’ve tried to limit my comments
and replies to posts that I don’t agree with on social media to statements of
fact. I don’t argue nearly as much as I feel the urge to. I’m a work in
progress, but I know most arguing on social media doesn’t result in changed
hearts or minds. People just get pissed off, and I’m sure I’ve pissed lots of
people off.
I do have a little social justice warrior in my heart, and
it often shows. I also have a sense of humor. So, I try to make my trolling
funny. Funny to me, anyway. I know my jokes don’t always get the laughs I think
they deserve. Then there are the jokes that absolutely deserve laughs but still
get me blocked on the Twitters.
Let us go back to the beginning of 2016 when Esquire said
the at Tila Tequila could be the best
follow on the Twitters for the year. I started following her, and it was
entertaining. For those of you who don’t know, Tila Tequila is a rather
empty-headed former reality TV star who’s dabbled in the pornography and crowdfunding
her lifestyle and who apparently
has Nazi sympathies. She also thinks the earth is flat.
She’s rather disconnected from reality, at least on social
media. . . well, very disconnected from reality on social media. I really started paying attention during the weekend of Martin Luther
King Jr. day last year. I was under the weather and thankful for entertainment that required little more than holding my phone. She tweeted weird
things about existing outside of space and time, and I decided to reply to
every one of her tweets.
At first, I just started saying absurd things to her. I can’t
see what she said anymore because she blocked me. I remember one person replied
to both of us that we were going to hell. I tried not to take that personally,
but it did hurt my feelings. Then, she started tweeting about going back in
time to the 1960s. I’m not sure if she was tweeting from via mobile data or a wi-fi
connection, but her tweets were still making it back to 2016. Her cell phone
bill must have been outrageous.
In honor of MLK, I suggested that she go to 1968 and stop
the assassination. Can we not agree that this would be a noble act for any time-traveler?
I would gladly forsake a day off to save the life of such a great man. She had
nothing to say about this, and then, well, I got greedy.
Call me crazy, but I figured that if she’s going back in
time, maybe she could go kill baby Hitler. I didn’t know about her political
leanings at the time. It just seemed like a good idea. Hell, killing baby
Hitler may have even changed events to such a degree that she wouldn’t have had
to go back to 1968 and stop MLK’s assassination. How could anyone not take
advantage of that? Well, I guess I know why she didn’t kill baby Hitler now.
Feeling a sense of urgency, I kept replying to her tweets with encouragement to go back and
kill baby Hitler. Indeed, the Twitters
hashtag “babyhitlermustdie” is solely populated by my more than 50 tweets
of encouragement at Tila Tequila to do just that. Perhaps it was her fondness
of Hitler that made her block me, or perhaps it was a pro-life sentiment.
If she felt uncomfortable killing a baby, I suggested an
alternative. . .
@AngelTilaLove If you don't want to kill a baby, push Hitler's mom down the stairs and kill fetus Hitler. #FetusHitlermustdie— Ted Perrin (@Tedward_Perrin) January 18, 2016
I may have crossed the line there. I’m not sure. I do know
this. If harassing a Nazi sympathizer by suggesting that she take advantage of
her time travels to kill baby Hitler hurt her feelings, I think I’ll still be
able to sleep at night.
Now, I need to find another idiot to troll.
